something i learnt today

not a workout log post! hahah that should be the real name.
anyway i just wanna blog about something special that happened to me this morning.
i was pretty nervous about singing this sunday,firstly i woke up late and took a cab down.Then started practice alittle late.
So we starting practicing and it was ok but my throat kinda screwed up halfway.Felt like i couldn't hit high notes or keep my voice proper.I couldn't remember the flow of a couple of songs and i don't know if you know but i ABSOLUTELY have to everything practiced.
I like things to be spontaneous and free spirit but for support singing,everything must be prefect. or at least well rehearsed.

30 mins before worship i start to have coughing fits until service starts.I really wanted to vomit until i didn't have anything left in myself.Was really scared to sing.Made a short prayer asking god to help me out here,cause i didn't have any confidence in the worship session. I didn't open my eyes for most of the first song.hahah.it's not trying to get into the mood for worship so much as it is scared to look at the crowd.

then we started singing.

the crowd was really dead.haha and it really hard to preform infront of a dead audience even if you know that it's not so much for them as it is for god. third song in and i'm still nervous as hell and i have to hit the high notes. However, as i sang i really felt a weight lifted off myself. I could praise god for everything he had blessed me with and i wasn't scared all of a sudden.

And you know what? God taught me how it's not so much about how prepared you are but how much i need to believe.And it's hard,cause i like to be self reliant. I believe in working hard to go wherever we wanna be.I do believe that.

Haha so what do i believe now?