you people deserve better than this,no matter how pretty they make it sound

i was supposed to write this in my journal but i wanted to listen to music as i wrote this. I'd promised my sister that i'd not go youtube for a week.hahah.suddenly i realise how much i use youtube for music. I'd listen to podcasts and live radio programs but this computer can't play the freaking media player on cue.

(8)what if god was one of us,just a slob like one of us?(8)

i went for a funeral today. I didn't really know the person but i was going to just went to pay my respects to his son.we cabbed down to this void deck where it was being held. There were lots of people there,about 60 easily.I remember it being very white,like something had been bleached constantly. There were people seated in rows,like as if it was sunday morning service. There was a man infront talking. I strained to hear what he was saying but i didn't make out anything. Maybe he was talking about god's salvation,maybe he was encouraging the crowd to keep the faith or he was comforting those that we would see him soon.

i'm tired and i'm angry so don't mind if i sidetrack

the man didn't seem very confident in himself.he hemmed and hawwed abit and shifted his weight around.he never looked at the audience much.but i guess i would be too,if i had to suddenly talk about my friend that had suddenly died.

after that,they sang hymns.I didn't join in cause i didn't know what they were singing.I wish they were singing about him. I've always had this fascination with people singing for the dead.I like the thought of compiling someone's life into a verse and spoken to a beat. The action of letting a song tell the story of someones life maybe makes it's easier for the person having to give the eulogy.hahah.i would like to have a literal swan song.

i'm still angry but am not going to waste my time on the computer anymore.so fuck you computer and internet.